The story told by
Saida Tolobaeva Oruzbekovna's story highlights women's strength in a patriarchal society. Born in a Kyrgyz village, she showed early independence and cheerfulness, becoming a strong, positive family pillar
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In our patriarchal society, it is customary to put boys on a pedestal; even guests do not leave the house until the son of the host family says “Oomin” and finishes the meal. By telling my story, I want to demonstrate the opposite. The photo with which my story begins, titled “Three Generations,” conveys that women can hold equally significant roles in their families and pass on their strong spirit and qualities to their daughters through generations.
This is the story of one of the strongest women in our family’s generations—my beloved mother, Tolobaeva Saida Oruzbekovna.
Saida was born in a small Kyrgyz village to young parents who were both teachers
In those times—the late '60s and early '70s—kindergartens existed only in the regional centers, not in the villages. As the only child in the family, there was no one to care for her, so from the age of three, she had to look after herself. Little Saida already displayed a remarkable sense of independence that set her apart from other children her age. Every day, she stayed home alone, and once she woke up, she would go to the kitchen, take a piece of bread, and immediately sit by the window, knowing her mother could see her from the school window. Occasionally, she would visit the neighbors, aware they would provide her with food, or at times, some of the students took care of her.
“The people in the village were friendly and kind. Usually, in the evenings, Saida returned home from the neighbors with gifts of milk, butter, and eggs. She was the breadwinner of the family,” Saida’s mother recalls with a smile on her face.
Saida’s cheerfulness wasn’t just a fleeting mood; it was a way of life. It wasn’t just her energy that made Saida special - it was her unyielding positivity. One day, her father told her, “We’re going to see Nazarbek’s Baibiche.” *Baibiche* means "wife" in Kyrgyz. This new bride was a colleague of her parents. Sometimes Saida would walk around the school, and on one occasion, while passing by the classrooms, she noticed the new bride. She walked into the class and asked her, “Hi, Nazarbek’s Baibiche, do you know where my mother is?”
In 1973, they moved to Karakol, where her mother began working in the Passport Office, and her father continued his career in the Police Department. From that moment on, her entire life has been in Karakol, up to the present day.
She graduated from a local school in Karakol and successfully entered the Faculty
of Philology at Issyk-Kul State University.
At the age of 19, she met a Dungan man (Dungans are a Sino-speaking Muslim people living in Uzbekistan, Kyrgyzstan, Kazakhstan, and China) whom she truly loved. After a year of dating, they got married, but it was not an easy time for the couple, as both sets of parents were against the marriage. In those days, people of different nationalities rarely formed alliances.
“Is there really not a single Kyrgyz among the thousands of Kyrgyz? Why did you choose a Dungan?” her father once asked
her. He was so angry that at times, he even threatened to shoot the Dungan. Adjusting to a different family is challenging for any young woman, but getting used to a different culture with an unfamiliar language is even more difficult. However, she was a fast learner, and after some time, she learned to cook Dungan food even better than the original Dungans.
She could also understand
Dungan speech and even speak a little. All the relatives respected her greatly, and she became the beloved daughter-in-law in the Dungan family.
The birth of their first child brought the two families from different nations even closer together. Little Aliya was adored by her parents and grandparents. Four years later, Saida gave birth to a boy, Timur. She is a wonderful wife and a caring mother.
In 1996, Saida was invited to work in the HR department of the regional police because they needed a literate young woman to type documents and handle some administrative tasks. This meant she started working on an old typewriter as an ordinary secretary. After demonstrating excellent performance, she was accepted into the main staff, and a year later, she received the rank of Junior Lieutenant. She climbed the career ladder steadily and faithfully, though it was not easy for her. At that time, there were few women working in the police, and the majority were strong men who did not understand or accept women in this field. She often spoke about the attitudes of some of her male colleagues—how rude and unfair they were, often forgetting about dignity and respect.
No matter how difficult it was, her strong character, honesty, and sense of justice did not allow her to lose heart. It wasn’t that she didn’t feel the pain—she did, deeply—but she carried it with such grace that it became a source of strength rather than weakness. She worked tirelessly every day, even on weekends and late nights, never complaining, and served the valiant police in the name of the country for 22 years. She always tried to remain positive and cheerful and had a great sense of humor. No one could tell jokes as funny as she could. She rose to the rank of police lieutenant colonel, and her last post in the police was as Head of the HR department. Despite all the difficulties she faced during her service, most of her colleagues treated her with great respect, and even now, they remember her with kind words. She built warm friendships with many of them and still keeps in touch.
“Police is my fate” - is the name of the article of weekly newspaper “Issyk-kol kabarlary”
After finishing her service in the police at the end of 2019, she retired, as law enforcement officers retire early. Since she was used to working and could not sit at home even for a few months, she went to work as a specialist at the Center for the Provision of Public Services (issuance of certificates for weapons and certificates of no criminal record). Despite the fact that she held a management position with a higher salary, she easily went to work for a lower position and she also liked this work and enjoyed it, because she communicated a lot with different people
She did not stay in this organization for long, since in 2022 she was invited to work as a chief specialist at the state institution "UNAA" in Karakol (issuance of driver licences, registration of cars, conducting exams)but a year later, after good work performance, she was appointed as a Head of UNAA. At the moment, this is her current place of work. With a lot of experience behind her, in her current position she has perfectly gotten used to her role, copes with her duties perfectly,colleagues respect her and are happy to come to work without a feeling of fear. Their organization has a complaints book, but you will hardly see any complaints there, only kind and sincere wishes from the visitors.
In addition to her career, she is also a wonderful homemaker who cooks and bakes amazingly. She has a hobby of growing flowers and cultivates various indoor and outdoor plants that have thrived for years. It is said that flowers can sense people and feel love, which is why not everyone can grow them successfully. Saida, of course, pours her heart into her hobby. On weekends, early in the morning, she goes to the Slavic Bazaar to buy special soil, vitamins, and flower pots. She derives great pleasure from this activity.
She is also a caring grandmother of three grandchildren. The kids adore her and often say they have the funniest grandmother in the world, one who can play and swim with them, ride a bike, and cook many delicious things.
Let’s go back to the beginning, where I mentioned generations. I would like to share the story of the main character's grandmother. This story took place during the uprising of 1916 (Urkun in Kyrgyz), when the Kyrgyz fled to China through the mountains under harsh weather conditions and with little food. Many did not survive, as it was extremely difficult for families with small children to traverse such a long and arduous path.
When Saida’s grandmother’s family returned from China to their homeland, her grandmother was only 9 years old. Her parents and her younger brother, who was only 3 years old, were also with her. At that time, her father was limping and using a cane. The brother had diarrhea, causing them to stop frequently, which made their journey even more challenging. At one point, the father could no longer bear it and ordered the family to leave the boy in the mountains, believing that it would be better for the three of them to survive and get home faster than for the entire family to suffer.
They left him a piece of dry bread and some water. After walking several kilometers, the eldest daughter could not bear to leave her brother behind and ran back to him. The parents were sitting apart, crying bitterly, when they suddenly saw their daughter carrying her younger brother on her back. I first heard this story when I was 10 years old. It touched my heart deeply and left a lasting impression on me. I will never forget how bitterly I cried upon hearing it. I continually admire this courageous girl and am filled with pride at the thought that I am directly related to such a remarkable and strong woman. Despite being only nine years old and facing difficult times, she chose to return to her brother and save his life. Her kindness and bravery are truly inspiring.
Saida with her grandmother, kids and sisters. 1995
Saida’s grandmother with one of her great-granddaughter. 1986
Kurzhun is a bag with double sections, a thing woven from camel or sheep wool. Its size can vary; it is usually filled with treats on ceremonial and festive occasions. Kurzhun is used to transport things loaded on a horse or other animals. Made by Saida’s grandmother.
Shirdak is a felt carpet, one of the most complex felt products made by the Kyrgyz people in terms of its technique. Made by Saida’s grandmother.
The entire family made it home safely, but the parents died shortly after returning due to the harsh conditions in China affecting their health. The girl was married off at a young age, but her husband was a good man who cared for her and also looked after her beloved brother. He sent the boy to study in Tashkent, where he grew up, started a family, and became a renowned judge. Throughout his life, his sister was always there to support him. She became the mother of 12 children and lived to the age of 95 in good health and full consciousness.
Although this story is about Saida’s life, I felt it was necessary and important to include this historical fragment to illustrate the connection between generations. I believe that Saida inherited much from her grandmother, especially a strong spirit and a kind heart. Saida also had the opportunity to care for her grandmother in her old age. I was very young, but I remember moments of her visits to our home and her kind and calm demeanor. I am incredibly proud to be her daughter and grateful for the example she set, which allows me to proudly identify as a strong and independent woman. I also pass this example on to my daughter. This is the essence of women’s power!
It is not easy to be a woman in Central Asian countries, and even more so to achieve heights and recognition in society. Having told my story, I want to encourage and motivate other people from Central Asian countries, and maybe from all over the world, and tell them that in their families, in addition to heroes, there are also heroines who deserve respect and recognition. Women can not only be mothers, wives, housewives and daughters-in-law, they can also be soldiers, police officers, doctors, they can lead people well, have a strong spirit, just like men.
Every girl can have her own personal dream, getting married is also someone's dream, but this is purely individual, someone dreams of traveling, someone dreams of flying to Mars. Sometimes in our society they advise young unmarried girls: "Your main goal is to get married and give birth to many children, your husband should provide for you."
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